Rantings of a Grumpy Old Woman

I miss you like crazy when you finally fall asleep. I want to wake you up to play more. I love that you interact with me and are gaining your independence. I can't get enough of you. Every hug and kiss... does not seem like it's big enough to express how much I love you. I miss when you were smaller. I loved when you used to fall asleep cuddling with me, when I could stare at you in my arms for hours while you slept. When you'd stare at me, and I'd talk to you, and you seemed so interested in what I had to say. Now, I'm lucky if I get 10 seconds of uninterupted hugs before you're walking off to find something more interesting. I miss feeling you move inside of me. The feeling of uncertainty.... Who would you be? What would you look like? When would you get here? Things have gone by so fast. Everyone says that... but I don't think anyone believes it until they're actually here. I'm crying as I'm writing this, because I know that time will co...

I wear a lot of hats. I can't even begin to narrow down the things that I do. For the most part, they are rewarding, and I enjoy being a mother, taxi, chef, maid, counselor, personal assistant, etc. The one that I am not fond of at the moment, is student. I received my first degree in February of 2010. I figured I was done with school. No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, and all that jazz... until I realized 2 things. 1. My financial aid payments were coming due, and 2. I cant do a damn thing with my degree. So back to school I go. Granted, I go from the comfort of my own home, so half the time, I'm in pajamas, running around doing 8 hundred things while studying or working on a large project. Now that the baby is so much more mobile, it's getting difficult to concentrate. Naps are becoming a thing of the past, so I cherish what little time I have. Generally, after 8pm is when the magic happens. Although, I cant seem to find the time or ...

As many of you already know, due to our lovely economy my hubby has taken on a second job. He wakes up at 6:30 in the morning to go to work, gets an hour break between jobs, and comes home roughly around 2 am. At first, my thoughts on this were pretty simple. Poor fuckin guy, he is going to be exhausted. Then: epiphany. As he sat playing with the baby with his few precious moments that he had between hell holes.... er... jobs, it hit me. He didnt care about himself, he does this for his family. He wants to make sure we're happy and well taken care of. We absolutely are. But at what cost? This baby seriously loves her Daddy. I watch her when he comes home, and she smiles from ear to ear and starts screeching. This morning, I showed her a picture of him on the phone, and she grabbed the phone and started to kiss the screen. I can deal with him being gone. It's one of the hardest things in the world, but I can handle it. What about them? What about the precious time they need...

Okay, okay. So that's just wishful thinking. We'll actually be leaving in a car. For a 7-8 hour drive to my mom's house in Northern Arizona. We've taken that trip before, although olivia was still a newb and slept for most of the trip. I have a sneaking suspicion that we're not going to get away that easy this time. She is a lot more aware of things now, and gets bored much easier. My only solace, while I'm riding in the backseat with her for hours upon hours, is that my lovely state of the art cell phone has Netflix downloaded on it. It doesnt always keep her attention here, so it may not work superb in the car either. Regardless, if she does like it, I'm sure my arm and hand are going to kill me within 20 minutes if I have to hold the thing up for her. I wonder if we'll have any room back there anyways. It's a turnaround trip. Leaving Friday, coming back Sunday.... and I have to pack her up like we're leaving the country. It's not lik...

Our first Halloween wasn't quite what I expected. Sometimes you just have things set in your mind. How it will look, how it will go. You can have a plan, but you sometimes can't predict.... or don't think about... the variables. In this case, the variable was the most adorable 8 month old child ever. We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend, and although it was cute, there wasnt much she could do there. She loved sitting in the pumpkins and looking around though. Olivia was sick Halloween..... as were my hubby and zoe, so no trick or treating. Didn't want to chance getting anyone sick, or one of us feeling icky while out. We tried to make the best of it. Took a couple of pictures in the backyard with the costume, (although, the last thing she wanted to do was sit still and pose. We only got a few pictures, and they weren't even great :( ) and came in and carved little pumpkins. Olivia LOVED digging through the insides of the pumpkins. he he. Then we all had dinner ...