Rantings of a Grumpy Old Woman

Going off of a previous entry of talking about what I want to be "when I grow up". Do YOU like what you do? Many of us have jobs that we go to everyday, but are miserable. Personally, I sit in an office, and I process financial aid. Tons of paperwork, no human interaction, and numbers.... all day. Some of you may go to a dealership and work on cars. Some of you may serve drinks or food. Some may go to the mall and work in retail. Is this what you imagined your life would be like? Is this where you wanted to be? Do you actually like what you do? I personally.... do not. I am in school currently, and its been a long drawn out road but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping that my career path opens up doors to something I would really like to do. What I do now isn't "rewarding". It isn't something that I wake up thinking "I'm going to make a difference today". What I'm going to school for will give me that feeling, I be...

Oh that's right. Pretty much everybody. I am no exception to this rule. My little one is growing up ridiculously fast. For a while, I worried about her speech and her lack of talking. She was only saying a few words up until recently, and I couldn't really understand them. Within a week or two it seems, I have realized that I gave birth to a parrot. Every time we say something, she will repeat it, and pretty darn clear. I've come to discover that while she wasn't communicating, she was watching. She was taking everything in. It only takes her one time to watch something, and then she can do it herself. She does not want any help either. If you try to touch her hand and guide it to help her do something, she'll yell and pull her hand away, and then keep trying on her own. She is definitely independent, that's for sure. With all this new knowledge, she is becoming more bold. She is testing her boundaries and seeing what she can get away with. For instance, s...

So I have pet peeves. Many of them. The first one is when people are late (I also freak out if I'm late anywhere, even by a minute or two). Don't get me going on that one, as I have a lot to say. The second is grammar. While not always perfect (I may use punctuation incorrectly here and there, and I'm addicted to using the elipsis......), but I know the difference between basic words such as there, they're, and their. My third pet peeve, is driving. I know I'm guilty of a couple of things. Such as.... if you are riding my ass, I WILL brake check you, or slow down to 30 on the freeway. There is no reason for you to be that close to me. Driving in Phoenix is always a blast. I saw this before, and I always laugh because it's so so so very true. 1. 'Phoenix' actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Glendale, Peoria, Tolleson, Avondale, Goodyear, Litchfield Park, Sun City, Sun City West, Sun City Grand, Sun Lakes, Surprise, Laveen, A...

My old foe....we meet again. Had a busy yet relaxing weekend at home. I don't know how those things could possibly work together, but they do. I felt productive, which is awesome. Stayed up ENTIRELY too late Saturday night watching Full Metal Jacket. Seen it a thousand times, but it never gets old. I'm off work early today. I have a doctor appointment. It's a consultation for surgery. Elective surgery, and I'm not comfortable talking about it just yet but anxious to get some information from the doctor. Hope everyone has a great day. Today's awesome: Having a parrot. Okay, not a parrot, but it's amazing that my little one is repeating every. single. thing. she hears lately. Sometimes it's so funny and you're amazed that she's paying attention to everything. Then you realize.. she's paying attention to everything. oops.

Everytime Friday rolls around, I start singing that damn song. Thanks a pantload, Rebecca Black...... Seriously though, this has been the longest week ever. I was so excited for the weekend to get here, because I had so many things planned for our family to do.... but we're getting rained out. BOOOOOO. I guess it's going to be a weekend of organizing the house and hanging out with the family at home. I guess there is nothing quite like a rainy day, curled up watching a movie with hot chocolate. YAY! Oh, and homework. Finals for me right now. BLECH. Today's Awesome: Knowing I only have about 8 more months until I graduate. WEEEEE

Move along. No really, no real blog today. Swamped with finals and whatnot. Then I just made everything worse by taking any breaks out of my schedule so I go straight through until September when I finish. Yikes. I just want to be DONE! Today's Awesome : COFFEE! I'm so glad it exists, because I soooo need it today!

So I read... a lot. Whether with a physical book where I have to dog ear the pages to save my place, my Kindle Fire, or through Audible, I'm always either reading or listening to a book. No offense to you out there who are fans, but Twilight and Hunger Games aren't really my cup of tea. I won't waste my time with 50 shades of porn. I like my emotions to be challenged. I like to think. I like to read books that are so descriptive that I feel like I'm there. I need new things to read, and hopefully someone will be able to give me some suggestions! My all time favorite author, is Charles Bukowski. He has written some amazing stuff, seriously. Women was my favorite, followed by Ham on Rye, followed by many of his poetry books. Next up, Frank McCourt.... He wrote an autobiography called "Angela's Ashes". It was a story about him and his family growing up during the famine in Ireland. His subsequent stories were about him coming to America and struggling to ...

I just can't wait to get on the road again.... Really. I love traveling and going new places. I have been a few places... but not as many as I would like. I've been to New York City twice. Once by myself (yeah... completely solo). I've been to Washington.I lived in Oregon for a while. I sat on a beach in Hawaii and visited Pearl Harbor. I have been to Texas, New Mexico, Nevada (then again, who hasn't....), Utah, and quite a few times in my younger party days, I went to Mexico (Ensenada, Tijuana, etc). There are still so many places to go. I'd love to see Florida. I'd love to go to Maine. I want to see Mount Rushmore, New Orleans, I want to stand in the middle of a cornfield in Kansas. I'd kill to go to Alaska. These are all places that are actually feasible, and ones that I can make happen. Eventually. My dream though, is to go to Europe. The biggest thing on my bucket list is to go to Ireland. That's where my people are from. :) I would also love to...

     At the age of 14, I got my first tattoo. It was a small lightning bolt on my shoulder. Nothing major... now it looks more like an anvil.  At 17, I got another small one.      It wasn't until about the age of 25 that I got another one, and then the trouble began. I. was. addicted. I couldn't get enough. While it may appear that my tattoos are just a random collection of little pictures, each one has a specific meaning and correlates to a time or event in my life. Each one is important to me... even that little anvil on my back.      When people look at me, they may assume that I am a deadbeat or someone who can't possibly be a functioning member of society. When I'm out with my daughters, people may even assume that I must be a shitty parent. They pay no mind to the fact that my child is always clean, dressed appropriately, and I am very attentive with her. They don't know that I'm college educated a...

Ah. Another Monday... Had a pretty decent weekend. Decent in the fact that I did practically nothing, and I loved it! Well, I guess I shouldn't say nothing... We did a lot around the house, but we had no obligations for once, which was amazing. Saturday morning, I took Zoe to volunteer at our Bountiful Baskets site and we picked up our basket. It was a fun experience. If anyone wants to know more about the program, let me know, because it is pretty damn awesome. You never know what you're going to get... and sometimes it's things you wouldn't have even considered. For instance, I got a couple of large beets with all of the leaves attached. So I looked up a recipe, and ended up sauteing them in garlic, lemon juice, and red peppers. Went awesome with the tri tip and baked potatoes! Pretty darn good. We also made fresh fruit smoothies with some of the fruit we got. After that, we came home and did some rearranging in our house. It's hard because I have this idea of...

No idea if anyone remembers this cartoon from long ago. One mouse is a fancy guy from the city, loving all the perks that come with it. Another is a humble mouse from the country.  I feel like I'm the mouse caught in the middle. I've lived near Los Angeles practically my whole life, and I was there often. I've also been to New York City a couple of times. Every time I'm in either, I am amazed by the feeling I get.... I'm in the middle of "life". I love the fast pace, the culture, the energy, the diversity, everything. I can see myself living in a fifth floor walk up in some part of NY, and walking out of my front door and being bombarded with sites and sounds of the city. Sometimes I love the go go go! On the other hand, I am perfectly fine with living in the middle of nowhere on a few acres of land, with my nearest neighbor 10 minutes away. I can see myself living in a one stoplight town, where life just moves at a completely slow and relaxed pace. I ...

Basically, I have not mastered learning the difference between "off" and "snooze" with the alarm clock on my phone. D'oh! I was late to work for the first time today. Those of you who know me... know that this is my biggest pet peeve. I hate being late, and I hate waiting on people who are late. So this just sent my day in a different direction. Time for positive thoughts though to turn it around. Not much time to write anything insightful today ha ha. Today's Awesome: Dinner. Well, not dinner in general, but dinner with my family. Every night we sit down at the dining room table and have dinner together and talk about stuff. No TV, no phones, nothing. Just us... and I look forward to that every day.

As much as I preach healthy lifestyles to others... I was not following my own advice. I was for a good chunk of time. Eating right and exercising was a staple in my life for a good while. However, my unexpected pregnancy threw me and my body for a loop. I'm not ashamed to say that I used the pregnancy as an excuse for a free for all. Anything I could possibly eat, I ate... After a long period of living a healthy lifestyle, I had fallen off the wagon. I didnt exercise because I was terrified of causing a miscarriage (ironic, right?). I wanted to make sure I was getting enough calories, but evidently.... those calories came in empty form and I was eating complete crap. After the loss, I wanted nothing to do with anything. I just didn't care. I didn't want to even try to make an effort. I noticed that I was putting on weight though. My face had filled out again and the kicker was looking in the mirror the other day, and realizing that I probably looked like I should have ...

Okay, not really.  I constantly feel that I'd like to write someone... anyone... to make more hours in the day so that I can get done what I need to get done. I feel so overwhelmed and tired all of the time. I know that I'm no different from anyone else, especially other parents. Everyone has stuff they have to do, but my energy level is hovering around 0 as of lately. Our daily routine is to wake up at 5... or try to, as we usually end up hitting the snooze button until 5 minutes before we have to leave. We carpool into our glorious jobs and then stay here for around 9 hours. So begins the long commute home.... and here's where things start moving at warp speed. Walk in the door, start on dinner, pick up the mess hurricane that our toddler has left for us. Have dinner, a little playtime, then bedtime for baby. Then it's me time.... right? Buzzer. No.... then it's time to clean up the mess left from dinner, do laundry, and homework on most nights. Then on to ...

I had a pretty mellow weekend. Went out on a much needed date with my hubby Friday night, got to hang out with my awesome friend Mel for lunch on Saturday, and took Valentine's pics of Olivia. I must say... I know I'm pretty biased, but she is sooo adorable! Thought I'd share. From a technical standpoint, these aren't great, but pay no attention to that... look at the adorable subject! LOL. Totally hanging these on my wall, because they're going to make me smile anytime I look at them! Thanks for looking! Today's awesome : Friends. I love knowing that even though I'm horrible at keeping in contact with my friends, that I have truly amazing ones. I know that anytime I need something, my friends will go out of their way to make sure that I am happy and have what I need. I also love knowing that my friends can count on me for the same things. So, thank you guys, and I love you!

I'm sure that when I was young, I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, or something equally as glamorous. I never thought that well into my 30's, I would still be struggling with the decision of what career path I wanted to follow. While I am about 9 months away from my degree, I still have no idea what I want to do with it. I am close to earning my second psychology degree. With this, I have many doors that open for me and many opportunities to use it. Up until late last year, I was pretty clear cut on what I wanted to do with it. I wanted to do addiction counseling and help addicts overcome a terrible disease. However.... I believe it is when I became pregnant and my hormones had me crying over dropping a piece of paper and then in a complete rage because I couldn't get a lid off of a jar, that I had an epiphany. I actually had to take the news apps off of my phone. I steered clear of news telecasts and skimmed over postings people made on social media sites. Why was I so...

My previous post today had a completely unexpected result. I am officially a wreck. Been spending most of my day sitting on the bathroom floor at work, and crying hysterically. Evidently I needed to fully talk about it in order to deal with it and start healing. I would give anything to have our baby back.

     This is a very personal blog for me, and I'm using it to get my feelings and thoughts down. This may be a sensitive subject for some, dealing with loss. If you're already having a bad day, I suggest clicking the little X in the top corner. :)      In October, our family got the surprise of a lifetime. You hear about "oops" babies all of the time, and perhaps you've even had one. With Olivia it was different, as we tried almost a year to conceive her. The two pink lines that appeared on our test in October were completely unexpected and surprising.      After the initial shock hit us, reality started to sink in. What are we going to do? How are we going to pay for this? How will we manage two children? The questions kept coming. As a mother already, I knew what I was going to be in for physically as well. How would I handle that working full time, trying to go to school, and already having a busy family, while feeling ...

I don't know whether to be proud that she passed out in a pile of books.... or freaked out by the mess I now have to clean up. Lmao

     According to the CDC, "More than one-third of U.S. adults (35.7%) and approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese" (CDC, 2012). Not only are many Americans facing obesity and the health problems that come with it, but the average waist size for a woman over 20, is 37.5 inches, while an average man may need pants to fit a 39.7 inches (CDC, 2012). Needless to say, much of our country is tipping the scales.      Why are we faced with this issue? There are many factors that play into the reasons that many Americans are overweight. Perhaps it is the abundance of fast food locations around the country. On just about every corner, there is a restaurant promising fast food and cheap prices. People may be enticed by this because they are in a hurry. In  this golden age of go go go, we're so busy with careers, soccer practice, grocery shopping, getting packages to the post office. We rarely slow...

Your room is upstairs and we have your baby monitor plugged in so that we can hear you. Sometimes I lay there and listen to the monitor and I listen to you breathing. It is the sweetest sound in the world to me. Knowing that you are safe in your bed and that I will get to see you smiling tomorrow, is amazing. I get nervous and anxious on my drive home from work, and know that it's just a few more miles until I open the door and you scream with happiness and run and give me and daddy hugs. I look forward to that hug all day. It's all I can think about when I'm away from you. I loved when I was able to stay home with you, and got to enjoy every single moment of you. I hate that I have to be away from you now. I feel like I am missing out on so much of your life. I have your pictures up at my desk, but it's not enough. I would give anything to be able to be there when you wake up every day to tell you good morning. I want to be able to wrap my arms around you a million...

So, I just realized that in one of my last posts, I was expressing frustration over wanting to leave California and we were househunting. So it's the next year, and we actually did buy in Arizona and we're all moved in! It wasn't the house we wanted, and honestly it's a little big for my taste but it's home. It's a 5 bedroom, 3 bath with hardwood floors which is really helpful with a toddler. We're about 2 hours from my mom and 1/2 hour from his mom. Neighborhood is quiet, so it's really nice. The process was ridiculous. I can tell you many a tear was shed through the whole thing. But after many months of me and my hubby living apart and sacrifices we both made, we're finally able to call this house our home.

Although I rarely make new years resolutions, I decided to make a couple this year. One, was to rely less on social media in keeping in contact with my friends and family. I definitely need to learn to reconnect with people better, and spend less time online. Not only will this hopefully strengthen my relationships, but also give me more time to focus on things in life that are more important. That being said, I will probably be pretty absent from my FB account for a while. I will probably use this to update people on pictures, goings on, etc. So, here's what's happening around my hood. It's January now, and I'm getting ready to start back to classes after a much much much needed break from school. I am pretty much just.... over school right now. I have to finish because I just have to. I have until October still, and I'm just dreading these last few months. I've worked really hard at this, while having a full time job, family, etc. I'm burnt out and I jus...