Rantings of a Grumpy Old Woman

Do you ever feel like a failure? Like nothing that you do is good enough? That nothing is going as it is supposed to? As it's planned? I know, I know, I sound like a surly and emotional teenager right now, but hey, I'm going through a mid-life crisis, so I have a pass. I turn 40 in 3 months. FORTY. I feel as though I have accomplished some of my goals, but I am lacking in so many others. I feel as though I'm not as successful as I want to be in my career. Granted, I am still relatively new at what I am doing, but I'm here... and the term "Fake it until you make it", has become my mantra. Except I don't want to fake it. I want to do. I want to be the best at this. I didn't realize how mentally taxing it is to listen to others and talk people through traumatic events. I am physically and emotionally drained by the time I leave every day. I'm nervous about school and practicum and my schedule. I already work full time, and now I'm going to h...

What to say, what to say. There have been so many dips and turns on this roller coaster that I don't even know where to begin. In the last 5 months... I became a grandmother... for a few weeks. My child was unexpectedly with child. There were so many ups and downs with the pregnancy, but one thing stayed the same, which was my excitement and joy over being able to welcome a new baby into our family. There were complications along the way, which resulted in ER visits. One visit clearly showed 2 sacs, so 2 babies! Next ultrasound showed just 1 baby developing with good size and healthy heartbeat. After that, there were no babies. The pregnancy ended, and it was the most difficult thing in the world to see my child suffer from heartbreak and loss. She went through surgery and had additional complications, but seems to be out of the woods now. The good news to come out of all of this, is that she is now convinced that she wants to be a mother... something that she swore she would ne...