Rantings of a Grumpy Old Woman

It's not just the terrible twos anymore. Evidently, it's the terrible ten months. Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty lucky that I have a happy baby. She'll smile at a anything and loves to give kisses. She's generally a very sweet baby. Lately though, she's starting to throw tantrums. She seems to only want things she's not supposed to play with. She can disassemble the Wii remote within seconds, calls random numbers on my phone, and climbs up the entertainment center to play with whatever happens to be up there. God forbid I tell her no or take something away from her. She screams like we're tearing her limb from limb. I don't exactly know when babies start understanding the concept of  "no".... but I hope it's soon. Maybe she already knows what it means, and just doesn't care. With as stubborn as her mom, dad, and sister are, she probably does.

All these fancy and expensive toys... and the baby pushes a cardboard box around the living room for hours......

It's hard to believe, but in less than three months, my tiny little child will be turning a year old. As bittersweet as this is for me, I'm throwing myself into full on party planning mode. I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to decorate very girly and have a shabby chic/vintage theme for her party. I pretty much had every last detail figured out. After talking to the hubby, we decided to go in a different direction that might end up being better for everyone else, and more memorable. However, that will remain hush hush until invitations go out. :) I think I have a general idea of everything we're doing. The only thing that we seem to have a problem with, is location. February is a fickle month. Last year when she was born, it was cold and drizzly. Therefore, my immediate thought is to have the party indoors. But where? Our apartment is pretty tiny, and there is no way we'll be able to fit anyone in here. So the only option that leaves us with, is to...

You recognize the name of that cute little fish, don't you? Many parents out there may. It's Dory from Finding Nemo. The happy, upbeat little fish that cant remember anything from 30 seconds before. Well, essentially, that's me. My memory may last a little longer than 30 seconds, but it's frustrating none the less. I'm watching my little girl growing up. She is learning more every day, reaching so many milestones... a little faster than she should be too. I try as hard as I can to cherish every moment. Each time I cuddle her or play with her, I say to myself  "Remember this moment forever". Everytime I hold her or rock her to sleep... every time I hear her laugh, I try to burn those memories into my brain. But I don't. I can't.  For the past 9 months, there have been so many little moments. Ones that have made me laugh, made me happy, and even ones that made me cry with happiness. And I can barely remember any of them. I have bits and pi...

Before Olivia was born, I had an internal battle with myself. I really wanted to breastfeed, but I also didn't. Once I saw her beautiful face, I knew that I had to give it my best shot. So we tried. And we tried. The nurses tried to help. The lactation consultants tried to help. Alas, we had no luck in that department. One of the nurses  made me cry, because my milk hadn't come in yet, and she told me that I was not doing very well. She essentially told me that even with all that trying, my baby was starving. She guilted me into giving her a bottle. For the next three days, though I tried to get her to latch on, it just wasn't working. She wanted no part of it. Once my milk finally did come in, we tried again, and she just didnt want to. Enter the long hours of painstakingly difficult pumping... with a hand pump, mind you. I struggled and fought for every ounce I got. I tried everything I could to increase my supply, but after around 3 months, the milk factory shut down...

It's finally December. My favorite month of the year. Not only is the weather starting to get colder, but my favorite holiday is approaching! I can just feel it in the air. The sights, the sounds, the smells... pretty much everything is starting to hit me at once. I love the feeling of happiness, being with loved ones, getting cozy and warm and having snuggle time. It's always when I feel my happiest. So, adding to all of my happiness and excitement... it's Olivia's first Christmas! She won't remember much, and she'll probably be happier tearing ornaments off of the tree and playing with bows and wrapping paper. I'll remember though. I'm looking forward to the holidays a lot more than I probably should be.

I miss you like crazy when you finally fall asleep. I want to wake you up to play more. I love that you interact with me and are gaining your independence. I can't get enough of you. Every hug and kiss... does not seem like it's big enough to express how much I love you. I miss when you were smaller. I loved when you used to fall asleep cuddling with me, when I could stare at you in my arms for hours while you slept. When you'd stare at me, and I'd talk to you, and you seemed so interested in what I had to say. Now, I'm lucky if I get 10 seconds of uninterupted hugs before you're walking off to find something more interesting. I miss feeling you move inside of me. The feeling of uncertainty.... Who would you be? What would you look like? When would you get here? Things have gone by so fast. Everyone says that... but I don't think anyone believes it until they're actually here. I'm crying as I'm writing this, because I know that time will co...