What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm sure that when I was young, I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, or something equally as glamorous. I never thought that well into my 30's, I would still be struggling with the decision of what career path I wanted to follow. While I am about 9 months away from my degree, I still have no idea what I want to do with it.
I am close to earning my second psychology degree. With this, I have many doors that open for me and many opportunities to use it. Up until late last year, I was pretty clear cut on what I wanted to do with it. I wanted to do addiction counseling and help addicts overcome a terrible disease. However.... I believe it is when I became pregnant and my hormones had me crying over dropping a piece of paper and then in a complete rage because I couldn't get a lid off of a jar, that I had an epiphany.
I actually had to take the news apps off of my phone. I steered clear of news telecasts and skimmed over postings people made on social media sites. Why was I so scared to see anything about the outside world? Children. Having an almost 2 year old has made me even more sensitive to stories of child abuse. I could not stand sitting there and reading about beautiful children who are beaten, starved and neglected, and sexually assaulted. These stories really hit home for me, because of the age of my own child. I have so much love for her in my heart, that it hurts. So thinking about anything like that happening to my own child made me sick and I would cry for days over a few paragraphs of a news story.
So here's my dilemma.... Do I stick with my goal of being an addiction counselor and helping addicts in need, or do I apply to work in social services for the state? While the second option may seem like a brave and noble idea, my fear is that I may not be able to handle it. Much of the position would be paperwork, which is why case workers are so backlogged in the first place. Would I be able to read these horrors on a daily basis? Would I be able to put personal feelings aside? What if I don't get to a child in time and they fall through the cracks? These are all valid points that I worry about. While my heart is in the right place, I wonder if I am strong enough. Part of me says yes... that I can just power through it, because I NEED to. These children NEED me too. Not all of the cases will be abuse cases either. Some will be from parents who may just need help or resources in order to raise their children better. Some may actually have addiction problems, or may just need help with resources... they may need job skills training, or access to food banks in order to take care of their children better. On the other side of the token, I am sure that I will hear and see horrific things that I will take home with me and eat away at me for months and years to come.
So what to do? There are a million commercials on television about animal neglect and abuse, but what about living breathing children that are being abused on a daily basis? (Animal lovers, it's okay. I'm not trying to downplay the abuse of animals, because that in itself is horrific and disgusting as well). But seeing 9 commercials a day with Sarah McLachlan that make me run to change the channel because I cannot handle it, and not one for child abuse or prevention, is really sad. I want to be involved in some sort of organization that deals with the prevention of child abuse and the well being of children.
So where do I go from here? Do I go the safe route and live in my little bubble pretending that the world is not a horrible place? Do I counsel addicts and help them in their recovery? Or do I face the horrors of the world head on and try to make a difference in the lives of children and families?
I am close to earning my second psychology degree. With this, I have many doors that open for me and many opportunities to use it. Up until late last year, I was pretty clear cut on what I wanted to do with it. I wanted to do addiction counseling and help addicts overcome a terrible disease. However.... I believe it is when I became pregnant and my hormones had me crying over dropping a piece of paper and then in a complete rage because I couldn't get a lid off of a jar, that I had an epiphany.
I actually had to take the news apps off of my phone. I steered clear of news telecasts and skimmed over postings people made on social media sites. Why was I so scared to see anything about the outside world? Children. Having an almost 2 year old has made me even more sensitive to stories of child abuse. I could not stand sitting there and reading about beautiful children who are beaten, starved and neglected, and sexually assaulted. These stories really hit home for me, because of the age of my own child. I have so much love for her in my heart, that it hurts. So thinking about anything like that happening to my own child made me sick and I would cry for days over a few paragraphs of a news story.
So here's my dilemma.... Do I stick with my goal of being an addiction counselor and helping addicts in need, or do I apply to work in social services for the state? While the second option may seem like a brave and noble idea, my fear is that I may not be able to handle it. Much of the position would be paperwork, which is why case workers are so backlogged in the first place. Would I be able to read these horrors on a daily basis? Would I be able to put personal feelings aside? What if I don't get to a child in time and they fall through the cracks? These are all valid points that I worry about. While my heart is in the right place, I wonder if I am strong enough. Part of me says yes... that I can just power through it, because I NEED to. These children NEED me too. Not all of the cases will be abuse cases either. Some will be from parents who may just need help or resources in order to raise their children better. Some may actually have addiction problems, or may just need help with resources... they may need job skills training, or access to food banks in order to take care of their children better. On the other side of the token, I am sure that I will hear and see horrific things that I will take home with me and eat away at me for months and years to come.
So what to do? There are a million commercials on television about animal neglect and abuse, but what about living breathing children that are being abused on a daily basis? (Animal lovers, it's okay. I'm not trying to downplay the abuse of animals, because that in itself is horrific and disgusting as well). But seeing 9 commercials a day with Sarah McLachlan that make me run to change the channel because I cannot handle it, and not one for child abuse or prevention, is really sad. I want to be involved in some sort of organization that deals with the prevention of child abuse and the well being of children.
So where do I go from here? Do I go the safe route and live in my little bubble pretending that the world is not a horrible place? Do I counsel addicts and help them in their recovery? Or do I face the horrors of the world head on and try to make a difference in the lives of children and families?
I think dealing with child victims will affect you personally and may eventually get in the way of your personal life because it is emotionally exhausting. Drug counseling may be a better direction.
ReplyDeleteEllie, you and I should talk about social services. I work with social workers every day and maybe some of what I know can help you to make your decision :)
ReplyDeleteI think so too Monica... but I keep thinking... if there's not more people to do it, regardless of the sacrifice, then who is going to help all these kids? I know it takes a strong person, I wonder if I will become stronger if I just jump in? And yes, Jen... let's talk about it, because this is a serious consideration for me!
ReplyDeleteWell, I obviously did both within the last 5 years. :D :D :D
ReplyDelete