Working Mother

Your room is upstairs and we have your baby monitor plugged in so that we can hear you. Sometimes I lay there and listen to the monitor and I listen to you breathing. It is the sweetest sound in the world to me. Knowing that you are safe in your bed and that I will get to see you smiling tomorrow, is amazing.

I get nervous and anxious on my drive home from work, and know that it's just a few more miles until I open the door and you scream with happiness and run and give me and daddy hugs. I look forward to that hug all day. It's all I can think about when I'm away from you.

I loved when I was able to stay home with you, and got to enjoy every single moment of you. I hate that I have to be away from you now. I feel like I am missing out on so much of your life. I have your pictures up at my desk, but it's not enough. I would give anything to be able to be there when you wake up every day to tell you good morning. I want to be able to wrap my arms around you a million times a day and tell you that I love you. I know this is something that I have to do... I have to work to be able to provide you with everything you need, but I wish that things were different.

It breaks my heart then when I get home.... even though you're there, I have to be an adult. I would love to drop everything, and just sit on the floor and play with you. To talk when you hand me your toy phone, to drink the tea you make in your big plastic kitchen. I want nothing more than to tickle you or go for a walk outside. But we have dinner to attend to, laundry, cleaning, homework, everything that sucks about being an adult. I try to squeeze in as much time with you as I can, but the guilt is always there.

I hope that our situation changes because I need to be there with you. I need to savor every second because you're growing up so fast. You're changing so much everyday, becoming independent and smarter. Soon, you're not going to need me. And I'm going to wish I had these days back to do everything differently.

I cant put into words how much I love you.

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 8, 2013 at 7:08 AM

    Wow, I don't have kids but this made my eyes wet. Very well written!

    ReplyDelete
  2. elliebean78January 8, 2013 at 7:15 AM

    Thanks Mary. I'm having a difficult time lately being away from home. I'm missing out on life sitting at this desk all day.

    ReplyDelete

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