Green eyes

I wanted green eyes, instead of the ugly crap colored brown ones I got. And now.... I do. Except it's not the way I wanted them.

I'm sure everyone has heard the term "green with envy", or maybe everyone hasn't, because I was practically born in the stone age, and I'm older than everyone else. Anyways.... I am. Green with envy, I mean.

I keep seeing posts from my friends, saying that they are expecting babies. I see ultrasound pictures, birth announcements, updates about pregnancies and such. While I am soooo incredibly happy for my friends, I can't help but wish it was still me.

Common sense kicks in eventually and reminds me that having a baby  is NOT the best thing for our family. Our family is complete now. We are so thankful and feel blessed that we do have 2 beautiful, healthy girls. Of course, I think it is my age that is making me this way. Even though my brain knows it's not the time, my biological clock is still ticking. But instead of tick.....tock, it's saying "you're.... old".

My brain and body knows that I am running out of time for having babies, and I believe that, coupled with our recent loss, has made the signals go haywire. The twinge of jealousy I feel everytime I see an update, bugs the crap out of me. I cannot control it. I'm so excited for my friends, and I can't wait until the day I can genuinely be happy and enjoy those babies and pictures without thinking "why not me?"

I know I don't want anymore children. So why does it even bother me in the first place? Stupid clock. I need to find the snooze button on that thing.

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