Charge.

I don't feel good. Ever. I feel like there is always something wrong. Some nagging feeling of malaise or random illness coursing through my body.


Granted, I have had a lot of health issues within the last few years. A lot of procedures done. Just.. really random things between side effects of my WLS, to mouth problems, to hip surgery. I feel like I am too young to be falling apart like this. My birthday is next week, and I'm really getting up there in age. Like... really getting up there, and I feel every bit of it.


However I know most of the reason that I feel like crap. I. Don't. Take. Care. Of. Myself.


You see, this surgery that I had... the one that stripped away 110 lbs from my body, has been awesome. I have a fresh start, and the ability to take charge of my health and have full control over what I put in my body and what I do with it. However, I continue to defile it. I consistently pour soda down my throat. I snack on chips, cookies, whatever I can get my hands on. The only lucky thing that I have going for me, is that my surgery does not allow for "much" of this toxic sludge.


I make excuses. Continually. I cannot prep food and put healthy meals together... I have too much to do (as I sit watching tv after work). I cannot exercise, because I'm too tired (why are you tired though... maybe because YOU EAT LIKE SHIT AND DON'T EXERCISE). Somewhere along the line, I just gave up again.


Honestly, I don't know how many more excuses I can make. I just need to stop. Or start, whichever way I want to look at it. I need to remember the reason that I made the decision for the surgery. I am turning another year older next week, but I cannot use that as an excuse about why I feel like crap.


I really need to take charge of my body. My health. My life.

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