What to say
What to say, what to say. There have been so many dips and turns on this roller coaster that I don't even know where to begin. In the last 5 months...
I became a grandmother... for a few weeks. My child was unexpectedly with child. There were so many ups and downs with the pregnancy, but one thing stayed the same, which was my excitement and joy over being able to welcome a new baby into our family. There were complications along the way, which resulted in ER visits. One visit clearly showed 2 sacs, so 2 babies! Next ultrasound showed just 1 baby developing with good size and healthy heartbeat. After that, there were no babies. The pregnancy ended, and it was the most difficult thing in the world to see my child suffer from heartbreak and loss. She went through surgery and had additional complications, but seems to be out of the woods now. The good news to come out of all of this, is that she is now convinced that she wants to be a mother... something that she swore she would never want. I experienced this before as well. I didn't want any more children, then my husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy and it was terrifying. We ended up losing ours too, and it seems like that was so much more difficult, when you finally make that bond and attachment to the baby and then it's all stripped away. All the while, I had been having dreams and had been making plans for my grandchild and would tell anyone and everyone that it was happening. It is going to take me a while to get over this, mainly because I've pushed a good chunk of my feelings aside so that I can help my own child deal with her grief and loss. My husband has been amazing through everything, being as supportive as one could ever imagine another human being to be. The pain will lessen over time, I just wish that it would hurry up.
I got a promotion at work. I have officially met my first career goal, which was to become a therapist. I had some experience in my previous position within my company, doing intakes and brief therapy, but now I have a full caseload of children that I see for therapy. It's definitely an adjustment, and a LOT more stress than I had anticipated. Before, I saw the kiddos for an hour or so and then passed them off for long term care. Now I'm the one providing the long term care, and I want to do everything right. I want to help as much as I can, and I'm always worried that I could be doing more or I'm doing something wrong. I would say that there is more stress now. More need for self care and relaxation, as I tend to have a more emotional job now. I take on the stresses and the pain from these children, and it's very hard to let go. So phase number one is completed of this career path. Phase 2 is licensure. I have completed all of the classwork for my second master's degree which is specifically for counseling. I have to complete my practicum, which is a whole other mess that I'm having to deal with. That should hopefully start soon, and then I'll be able to test for my license. Once my license is obtained on the associate level, I'll work towards completing my hours for independent licensure and that will open so many doors for me.
I quit smoking finally. It's only been about 5 weeks, but hey... 5 weeks is 5 weeks. The amazing part, is that my hubby was able to quit with me as well. We're both 5 weeks smoke free. We smell a hell of a lot better, that's for sure. It's amazing news... yet I have gained an impressive 12 pounds. It may not seem like a lot, but after surgery, it's been pretty steady and I haven't gone up or down more than maybe 2-3 pounds in either direction. Now I feel out of control. I guess eating a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds a day was not helping my cause. I think I'm over the worst of it though, so it's time to get things under control. It terrifies me though, because last time that I quit smoking, I probably gained about 60 pounds and I can't let that happen this time. I have to actively work on it now to get my body back to it's baseline weight and size.... which is not a size 2, mind you. I will never be a size 2, or even a size 6. I am absolutely comfortable at my size, which is around an 8-10, and I enjoy being active and healthy. This is my baseline, and my body, and I'm absolutely okay with that!
Speaking of being active, I have set a few goals for myself in the new year. One is to get outdoors more, which I like to do in the form of hiking. My family and I went on a great hike yesterday that was pretty challenging, but I feel so amazing for accomplishing. I have a fancy new pack and new boots, and I will be getting out at LEAST once a month, if not several times. Honestly I'd like to do at least once a week, but it's doubtful that my schedule will allow me such luxuries. Another of my goals is drink water... which I could write a whole other entry about. I don't like water... never have. I'm old though, and my body hates me enough, so hopefully I'll be able to start taking care of it properly now.
There's more. There's so much more that I have to update on, but I'm going to end it here. I don't have a ton of freetime at the moment, so I'll update with anything else pertinent another time.
ETA: I have not done any proofreading or any spell checks on this, so... it is what it is. ;)
I became a grandmother... for a few weeks. My child was unexpectedly with child. There were so many ups and downs with the pregnancy, but one thing stayed the same, which was my excitement and joy over being able to welcome a new baby into our family. There were complications along the way, which resulted in ER visits. One visit clearly showed 2 sacs, so 2 babies! Next ultrasound showed just 1 baby developing with good size and healthy heartbeat. After that, there were no babies. The pregnancy ended, and it was the most difficult thing in the world to see my child suffer from heartbreak and loss. She went through surgery and had additional complications, but seems to be out of the woods now. The good news to come out of all of this, is that she is now convinced that she wants to be a mother... something that she swore she would never want. I experienced this before as well. I didn't want any more children, then my husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy and it was terrifying. We ended up losing ours too, and it seems like that was so much more difficult, when you finally make that bond and attachment to the baby and then it's all stripped away. All the while, I had been having dreams and had been making plans for my grandchild and would tell anyone and everyone that it was happening. It is going to take me a while to get over this, mainly because I've pushed a good chunk of my feelings aside so that I can help my own child deal with her grief and loss. My husband has been amazing through everything, being as supportive as one could ever imagine another human being to be. The pain will lessen over time, I just wish that it would hurry up.
I got a promotion at work. I have officially met my first career goal, which was to become a therapist. I had some experience in my previous position within my company, doing intakes and brief therapy, but now I have a full caseload of children that I see for therapy. It's definitely an adjustment, and a LOT more stress than I had anticipated. Before, I saw the kiddos for an hour or so and then passed them off for long term care. Now I'm the one providing the long term care, and I want to do everything right. I want to help as much as I can, and I'm always worried that I could be doing more or I'm doing something wrong. I would say that there is more stress now. More need for self care and relaxation, as I tend to have a more emotional job now. I take on the stresses and the pain from these children, and it's very hard to let go. So phase number one is completed of this career path. Phase 2 is licensure. I have completed all of the classwork for my second master's degree which is specifically for counseling. I have to complete my practicum, which is a whole other mess that I'm having to deal with. That should hopefully start soon, and then I'll be able to test for my license. Once my license is obtained on the associate level, I'll work towards completing my hours for independent licensure and that will open so many doors for me.
I quit smoking finally. It's only been about 5 weeks, but hey... 5 weeks is 5 weeks. The amazing part, is that my hubby was able to quit with me as well. We're both 5 weeks smoke free. We smell a hell of a lot better, that's for sure. It's amazing news... yet I have gained an impressive 12 pounds. It may not seem like a lot, but after surgery, it's been pretty steady and I haven't gone up or down more than maybe 2-3 pounds in either direction. Now I feel out of control. I guess eating a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds a day was not helping my cause. I think I'm over the worst of it though, so it's time to get things under control. It terrifies me though, because last time that I quit smoking, I probably gained about 60 pounds and I can't let that happen this time. I have to actively work on it now to get my body back to it's baseline weight and size.... which is not a size 2, mind you. I will never be a size 2, or even a size 6. I am absolutely comfortable at my size, which is around an 8-10, and I enjoy being active and healthy. This is my baseline, and my body, and I'm absolutely okay with that!
Speaking of being active, I have set a few goals for myself in the new year. One is to get outdoors more, which I like to do in the form of hiking. My family and I went on a great hike yesterday that was pretty challenging, but I feel so amazing for accomplishing. I have a fancy new pack and new boots, and I will be getting out at LEAST once a month, if not several times. Honestly I'd like to do at least once a week, but it's doubtful that my schedule will allow me such luxuries. Another of my goals is drink water... which I could write a whole other entry about. I don't like water... never have. I'm old though, and my body hates me enough, so hopefully I'll be able to start taking care of it properly now.
There's more. There's so much more that I have to update on, but I'm going to end it here. I don't have a ton of freetime at the moment, so I'll update with anything else pertinent another time.
ETA: I have not done any proofreading or any spell checks on this, so... it is what it is. ;)
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