The Path
So I did it.... A few weeks ago, I shakily walked my way across the stage, shook the hand of some old wrinkly rich person, and grabbed a rolled up piece up of paper that represented my degree. My actual degree came in the mail about two weeks later, all fancy in its faux leather case. But now what?
I should have done this ten years ago. I shouldn't be thirty five years old, still struggling with the age old question of "what do I want to do with my life?". I honestly have no freaking clue. For years, I had this idea in my head of what I wanted to do, and I tirelessly worked towards that goal. Now, here I am. I've achieved it. Now I sit here and I'm completely and utterly lost.
I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be a counselor that specializes in addictions and help those who are struggling to make positive life changes in order to be a functioning member of society. For those who may not know, for new friends.... here's a revelation.... I've been there. I've personally struggled with addiction, and know how difficult that life is and how really really effing hard it is to live it and overcome it. There is a REAL need for qualified and empathetic people to assist others in making that positive journey.
So, I've completed phase one of this program. The next phase requires another three years of school, which requires me to go on campus for classes and also do an internship, all while working full time, being a mother, and attempting to run my own business as well. Another huge reason, is that I'm terrified of being in a position of having someone's mental health in my hands and saying the wrong thing and potentially hurting them even more.
I just don't know if my heart is in it right now. I don't know if I have it in me. I'm at the point right now where it's shit or get off the pot. Do I take the easy way out, and take a degree program full of fluff where I don't really have to "think" very much, and take something that may guarantee me a job, albeit one that I may not want? Or do I suck it up, put on my big panties... and fucking push?
I'm too old for this. I don't know what to do. I need to make a decision... and fast.
I should have done this ten years ago. I shouldn't be thirty five years old, still struggling with the age old question of "what do I want to do with my life?". I honestly have no freaking clue. For years, I had this idea in my head of what I wanted to do, and I tirelessly worked towards that goal. Now, here I am. I've achieved it. Now I sit here and I'm completely and utterly lost.
I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be a counselor that specializes in addictions and help those who are struggling to make positive life changes in order to be a functioning member of society. For those who may not know, for new friends.... here's a revelation.... I've been there. I've personally struggled with addiction, and know how difficult that life is and how really really effing hard it is to live it and overcome it. There is a REAL need for qualified and empathetic people to assist others in making that positive journey.
So, I've completed phase one of this program. The next phase requires another three years of school, which requires me to go on campus for classes and also do an internship, all while working full time, being a mother, and attempting to run my own business as well. Another huge reason, is that I'm terrified of being in a position of having someone's mental health in my hands and saying the wrong thing and potentially hurting them even more.
I just don't know if my heart is in it right now. I don't know if I have it in me. I'm at the point right now where it's shit or get off the pot. Do I take the easy way out, and take a degree program full of fluff where I don't really have to "think" very much, and take something that may guarantee me a job, albeit one that I may not want? Or do I suck it up, put on my big panties... and fucking push?
I'm too old for this. I don't know what to do. I need to make a decision... and fast.
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