Rantings of a Grumpy Old Woman

It's not just the terrible twos anymore. Evidently, it's the terrible ten months. Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty lucky that I have a happy baby. She'll smile at a anything and loves to give kisses. She's generally a very sweet baby. Lately though, she's starting to throw tantrums. She seems to only want things she's not supposed to play with. She can disassemble the Wii remote within seconds, calls random numbers on my phone, and climbs up the entertainment center to play with whatever happens to be up there. God forbid I tell her no or take something away from her. She screams like we're tearing her limb from limb. I don't exactly know when babies start understanding the concept of  "no".... but I hope it's soon. Maybe she already knows what it means, and just doesn't care. With as stubborn as her mom, dad, and sister are, she probably does.

All these fancy and expensive toys... and the baby pushes a cardboard box around the living room for hours......

It's hard to believe, but in less than three months, my tiny little child will be turning a year old. As bittersweet as this is for me, I'm throwing myself into full on party planning mode. I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to decorate very girly and have a shabby chic/vintage theme for her party. I pretty much had every last detail figured out. After talking to the hubby, we decided to go in a different direction that might end up being better for everyone else, and more memorable. However, that will remain hush hush until invitations go out. :) I think I have a general idea of everything we're doing. The only thing that we seem to have a problem with, is location. February is a fickle month. Last year when she was born, it was cold and drizzly. Therefore, my immediate thought is to have the party indoors. But where? Our apartment is pretty tiny, and there is no way we'll be able to fit anyone in here. So the only option that leaves us with, is to

You recognize the name of that cute little fish, don't you? Many parents out there may. It's Dory from Finding Nemo. The happy, upbeat little fish that cant remember anything from 30 seconds before. Well, essentially, that's me. My memory may last a little longer than 30 seconds, but it's frustrating none the less. I'm watching my little girl growing up. She is learning more every day, reaching so many milestones... a little faster than she should be too. I try as hard as I can to cherish every moment. Each time I cuddle her or play with her, I say to myself  "Remember this moment forever". Everytime I hold her or rock her to sleep... every time I hear her laugh, I try to burn those memories into my brain. But I don't. I can't.  For the past 9 months, there have been so many little moments. Ones that have made me laugh, made me happy, and even ones that made me cry with happiness. And I can barely remember any of them. I have bits and pi

Before Olivia was born, I had an internal battle with myself. I really wanted to breastfeed, but I also didn't. Once I saw her beautiful face, I knew that I had to give it my best shot. So we tried. And we tried. The nurses tried to help. The lactation consultants tried to help. Alas, we had no luck in that department. One of the nurses  made me cry, because my milk hadn't come in yet, and she told me that I was not doing very well. She essentially told me that even with all that trying, my baby was starving. She guilted me into giving her a bottle. For the next three days, though I tried to get her to latch on, it just wasn't working. She wanted no part of it. Once my milk finally did come in, we tried again, and she just didnt want to. Enter the long hours of painstakingly difficult pumping... with a hand pump, mind you. I struggled and fought for every ounce I got. I tried everything I could to increase my supply, but after around 3 months, the milk factory shut down

It's finally December. My favorite month of the year. Not only is the weather starting to get colder, but my favorite holiday is approaching! I can just feel it in the air. The sights, the sounds, the smells... pretty much everything is starting to hit me at once. I love the feeling of happiness, being with loved ones, getting cozy and warm and having snuggle time. It's always when I feel my happiest. So, adding to all of my happiness and excitement... it's Olivia's first Christmas! She won't remember much, and she'll probably be happier tearing ornaments off of the tree and playing with bows and wrapping paper. I'll remember though. I'm looking forward to the holidays a lot more than I probably should be.

I miss you like crazy when you finally fall asleep. I want to wake you up to play more. I love that you interact with me and are gaining your independence. I can't get enough of you. Every hug and kiss... does not seem like it's big enough to express how much I love you. I miss when you were smaller. I loved when you used to fall asleep cuddling with me, when I could stare at you in my arms for hours while you slept. When you'd stare at me, and I'd talk to you, and you seemed so interested in what I had to say. Now, I'm lucky if I get 10 seconds of uninterupted hugs before you're walking off to find something more interesting. I miss feeling you move inside of me. The feeling of uncertainty.... Who would you be? What would you look like? When would you get here? Things have gone by so fast. Everyone says that... but I don't think anyone believes it until they're actually here. I'm crying as I'm writing this, because I know that time will co

I wear a lot of hats. I can't even begin to narrow down the things that I do. For the most part, they are rewarding, and I enjoy being a mother, taxi, chef, maid, counselor, personal assistant, etc. The one that I am not fond of at the moment, is student. I received my first degree in February of 2010. I figured I was done with school. No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, and all that jazz... until I realized 2 things. 1. My financial aid payments were coming due, and 2. I cant do a damn thing with my degree. So back to school I go. Granted, I go from the comfort of my own home, so half the time, I'm in pajamas, running around doing 8 hundred things while studying or working on a large project. Now that the baby is so much more mobile, it's getting difficult to concentrate. Naps are becoming a thing of the past, so I cherish what little time I have. Generally, after 8pm is when the magic happens. Although, I cant seem to find the time or

As many of you already know, due to our lovely economy my hubby has taken on a second job. He wakes up at 6:30 in the morning to go to work, gets an hour break between jobs, and comes home roughly around 2 am. At first, my thoughts on this were pretty simple. Poor fuckin guy, he is going to be exhausted. Then: epiphany. As he sat playing with the baby with his few precious moments that he had between hell holes.... er... jobs, it hit me. He didnt care about himself, he does this for his family. He wants to make sure we're happy and well taken care of. We absolutely are. But at what cost? This baby seriously loves her Daddy. I watch her when he comes home, and she smiles from ear to ear and starts screeching. This morning, I showed her a picture of him on the phone, and she grabbed the phone and started to kiss the screen. I can deal with him being gone. It's one of the hardest things in the world, but I can handle it. What about them? What about the precious time they need

Okay, okay. So that's just wishful thinking. We'll actually be leaving in a car. For a 7-8 hour drive to my mom's house in Northern Arizona. We've taken that trip before, although olivia was still a newb and slept for most of the trip. I have a sneaking suspicion that we're not going to get away that easy this time. She is a lot more aware of things now, and gets bored much easier. My only solace, while I'm riding in the backseat with her for hours upon hours, is that my lovely state of the art cell phone has Netflix downloaded on it. It doesnt always keep her attention here, so it may not work superb in the car either. Regardless, if she does like it, I'm sure my arm and hand are going to kill me within 20 minutes if I have to hold the thing up for her. I wonder if we'll have any room back there anyways. It's a turnaround trip. Leaving Friday, coming back Sunday.... and I have to pack her up like we're leaving the country. It's not lik

Our first Halloween wasn't quite what I expected. Sometimes you just have things set in your mind. How it will look, how it will go. You can have a plan, but you sometimes can't predict.... or don't think about... the variables. In this case, the variable was the most adorable 8 month old child ever. We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend, and although it was cute, there wasnt much she could do there. She loved sitting in the pumpkins and looking around though. Olivia was sick Halloween..... as were my hubby and zoe, so no trick or treating. Didn't want to chance getting anyone sick, or one of us feeling icky while out. We tried to make the best of it. Took a couple of pictures in the backyard with the costume, (although, the last thing she wanted to do was sit still and pose. We only got a few pictures, and they weren't even great :( ) and came in and carved little pumpkins. Olivia LOVED digging through the insides of the pumpkins. he he. Then we all had dinner

Being a mother as an adult, is such a vast difference from being a mother as a teenager. There are things you cherish... milestones, the little things, etc. As a young mother, I didnt appreciate them like I do now. Zoe kind of got the shaft in that aspect. She definitely didnt get the attention she could have. I didnt fawn all over her, showing pictures to the world and telling everyone about her poop. Despite that fact, she turned out to be a pretty awesome person (although, as most teenagers are.. snotty. lol) I couldnt imagine my life without her. Everything Olivia does, absolutely amazes me. From getting her first tooth (of which there are now EIGHT), to rolling over, crawling, standing up on her own, etc. Every little thing, is a cause for celebration for me, and I feel like my heart is just going to explode from so much pride and happiness. Everyday, is the most amazing day of my life... as I watch her grow and understand the complexities of the world around her. Someone on

I'm a total space cadet. I completely forgot this blog existed. I started it in mid 2008. I just found it again, and erased all of the posts that were on here. No need to rehash all that. Wasn't a great period in my life. I can honestly say now, that I'm the happiest I've ever been. Life is so much better than I could have ever imagined. Now, before you go thinking that I'm blowing smoke up your ass, I am being quite truthful. Of course there are little struggles, I'd be lying if I said there were none.... would like more money, as we all do. Wish my hubby didnt have to work so much and could stay home with us. Wish we were closer to friends and family. Wish we had a larger place. Those are mere drops in the bucket though. All in all, I have an amazing husband, who would (and does) do anything he can to make me happy. I have two beautiful daughters. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, somewhat good health (lol), and awesome friends and family. I wake u